It’s fair to say that I’m taking a little time to work on myself at the moment. Nothing cosmetic, despite what people think would be my problem. I’m just working on myself, I’ve had a tough couple of years. A … Continue reading
Oh, sorry. No I don’t have the answer, god but I wish I had, lately I’ve found people irritating. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m the one who’s changed and so everyone else who stayed the same is getting on my nerves. I’ll admit that my patience wears thin, like the in seam a pair of Primark leggings on a fat girl at a disco (I can say that. I’m the fat girl) I’m frequently known to shove my tongue below my bottom lip behind people’s backs when they get on my last nerve (nerve also wearing as thin aforementioned leggings) but that is where it stops, ok sometimes I flip the V’s too. Because I am failing as an adult to find the strength within me to say no, or speak my mind, or stand up for myself. I end up flabbergasted, or upset and just hide in a toilet and wait three days then tell someone what’s been said. Its strange, I was such an outgoing person at one point in my life, I told people how it was, protected friends from bullies and said no, but now I’m incapable and its causing me strife.
For instance, I’ve been in my job for eight years next week, I’ve given it everything, been involved in every money-saving, technologically-advancing improvement that’s happened, lots of which were even thought of and created by me. Now I’ve found myself in a rut where I carry people of higher stature and get zero compensation, monetary or gratitudal (yes, not a word, but I like it) It isn’t for want of trying, I’ve asked to be reviewed countless times, even had a meeting with a manager about it, but that was 8 months ago and my new salary came in today, same as last year…The one time I lost my temper and made a case for my boss, I was called a bully for asking. Great. Me, who can’t say no, who doesn’t stand up for themself, is a bully? I think not.
In my personal life its the same, I give great advice, I’m everybodies surrogate sister and for the most part, I enjoy it, until the piss is being taken, liberally. Its not everyone, its some people, the ones who trail you along and disappear when it suits them, the ones who make promises they have no intention of keeping, time and time again.
Its telling that some of the most supportive people in my life are women I met on a facebook group for chick lit writers and some of my friends I’ve known for years, haven’t even read my books…
I wonder, if I can’t figure out the problem with people, do they even realise I am a people myself?
So I’m over at http://wp.me/p318Hj-fm chatting about Fallon, then letting her chat about herself a bit too, with the lovely Julie Valerie of Chick Lit Chat. Not just me though, there’s an entire month of cheesy celebrations going on over there, many of the guests have melted their cheeses into the blogs a lot better than myself too!!
So jump on over and have a read!
I’m going to start off this post by saying that I’m peeved to say the least, we’re 17 days into a new year, a year full of possibilities, a year in which I have simple hopes that go a little something like this.
a) I never want to hear the words School Shooting uttered again, ok in reference to times passed then yes, I appreciate it, but for the future, no new ones. That’s not asking much? Just a general shift in humanity.
b) I want to turn thirty in December and really feel like I’ve done something with the prior thirty years, achieved something.
c) I generally just want people to be nicer, not use me, not abuse me, treat me right.
So imagine how I feel when a fellow author friend sends me a message about a cruel review of her book. Yes. We read things we don’t like, so whack a small star review on it and be done, do not write cruel things. Personally I read of my writing that it was Atrocious, that the story was good but that my writing is horrible. I have a style. I argued with teachers in school to be able to write how I do without being told off, creatively, surely imposing a structure beyond basic language is going against creativity. I write dialogue, I don’t care what shade of orange the leaves falling from the trees outside a frosted autumn window in a gently flowing breeze are, I want to know how my characters feel, what they’ve got to say. Its my style. Don’t like it? Fine. Go read one of the world’s top books FSOG in which a woman wrapped copious sex scenes around badly written prose the way Anastasia wrapped her arms around her Mercurial man as her Inner Goddess tutted from her chaise long. People bought the books for the sex, the romance, not the chance that the author would become the new Jane Austen. (How many times does she need to use the word Mercurial?)
People should know, putting pen to paper or fingers to keys is not simply an act, it doesn’t just spill out of your mind. Its a craft, it takes time to create a world and lives, its not easy, its not something Anyone can do. Sure I firmly believe everyone has a book in them, more maybe, but they might need a ghost writer to get it out. There’s more to a book than commas and full stops. Sure it has to make sense and I admit I need an editor for Forgotten because I can’t see outside a story to see those things. Ill admit my writing can be rough, I never claimed to be a queen of prose, I tell a story.
So if you’re reviewing a book on Amazon or goodreads (most don’t bother) spare a thought for the writer, who opened their heart and bore a little of their soul so you could or could not enjoy their book. And remember, we don’t all have a taste for marmite, so why would you expect to like every single book you pick up!
So my laptop isn’t empty, far from it in fact, I might need a new one or some sort of mass storage device, but I have this feeling and I wonder if its the same when a child leaves home?
Today I sent my book off into the world, I tucked in all the letters and words, checked they were neat and tidy, I wrapped them up in a cover and now they are up there for the world to see and it is a difficult thing to do. To let the thing that has dominated your mind every minute of every day for months, go.
My style may be questionable, I write from my heart, the words come from inside me, I think like the heroine and I love the hero as if he is real, but the words are my own, they represent my thoughts and in some cases, they show people who really know me, how they don’t really know me at all. I was once told off at college for writing like Roddy Doyle did, using a dash instead of quotation marks for dialogue, so bothered was my teacher by my style and presentation that they missed the point of my words. I don’t remember what those words were, but if I put them on paper back then, they meant something to me, I don’t write for the reader, I write for me, the writer, to complete a story, to make up a life, to be myself.
So today I sent my second book out into the world and so far near a thousand people have read the first one, or they bought it, and of all of them, even people I know well, only one has rated me on Amazon, my sister, because I asked her to.
I don’t write to be famous, sure a mansion and movie deal sounds good, but it isn’t why I do it, I don’t know why I do, because I don’t remember the first time I did it, or the first story that was in my head, they have just always been there and now, two of them at least, are out there…
So if you are reading this, if you have read Fallen, I implore you to rate me at Amazon, or Lulu, probably Amazon though, even if the reason you haven’t even given me feedback is because you hated it. I kind of want to know your opinion anyway…
I like to think I’m liberal, there’s no racism in me, no homophobia, so when I see these things happening, in the street, over twitter, it really narks me. I don’t understand how there are still people under a certain age who can go out there and make comments which hurt people, surely we are all long enough in this modern multi-cultured world that these conflicts should be all but forgotten.
Unfortunately, that’s an ideal and what is more unfortunate is that its an ideal far in the future…
Who would have thought Fifty Shades of Grey casting would cause some homophobic controversy? And from a notable person too, Brett Easton Ellis is peddling his talents to try and write the screenplay, but he is going about it all the wrong way, he has alienated himself from fans I believe by launching some sort of homophobic crusade, firstly against Matt Bomer (my personal favourite to play Mr Grey) and now today, to try and make his points about gay actors unconvincingly playing straight men Neil Patrick Harris.
I love them both and was a fan before I knew NPH was gay, because he’s been around for eons, once I saw him in the audience at The Boy From Oz on Broadway and was pulled back into my seat by my embarrassed uncle during the intermission for shouting ‘Its Doogie Howser’. My behaviour aside, I do watch How I Met your Mother, often, albeit I do now just want to know who the mother is and am starting to doubt that Ted himself knows, Barney, because as an actor that’s who NPH is in the show, is a slut, man whore, whatever you want to label it with. Apparently Easton Ellis finds this complicated and said that the reason its funny is because hes openly gay. For his information, NPH came out in 2006 and HIMYM began a year before that, so the joke is really on EE, the reason its funny is because Neil Patrick Harris is funny he is also, and I don’t usually say this, bang tidy. I watch him being a convincingly attractive sexy man and think, ‘yeah I wouldn’t mind a go on him’ maybe in more refined ways.
His argument that Matt Bomer cant play Mr Grey because the actor would need to ‘really want to fuck Ana’ is ridiculous, again I will point out that its acting and in pretty much every episode of White Collar I have seen Bomer has played an incredibly sexy and aware man who makes women swoon, even if at the end of the day he goes home to his husband and three kids. Put it this way, if you are looking at him objectively, does it really matter what his personal life is? My points for him being a good Christian Grey come down to this.
a) The Eyes – He has the eyes, ok, more blue than grey, but he has the eyes!
b) He is all kinds of sexy – Important here
c) Clearly he is a talented actor because when he is being all smouldering with a woman on screen, I really believe it (and then I close my eyes and pretend I’m on the other end of the smouldering)
d) Is it beyond the realm of possibility that because of the content that this movie will have, that a young actress of lets say 21/22 would feel far more comfortable working with a man who while he outwardly exhibits all the charm and sexuality of Christian, would not be then turned on by acting all the sex scenes out. I mean its going to be pretty raunchy even if they do dull down the Red Room of Pain, but personally I think Bomer being Gay could work in his favour with whoever they choose to play Anastasia.
Its ironic then, that Mr Easton Ellis identifies himself as ‘Bi’ because he doesn’t want to be defined by his sexuality, bit of a double standard when you think that is exactly what he is doing on twitter at the moment. He wont admit which sexuality he is, however has stated that he hasn’t had sex with a woman in years, and cant really pull off the Bi thing anymore… So does that make him a gay man launching a homophobic tirade on twitter to try and get a job that he has basically counted himself out of? I’m confused…
Also, hasn’t Tom Cruise been playing straight in both his personal and professional lives for oh I dunno, ever? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care, in fact when it comes to Tom Cruise, well I think the last of his movies I saw was Top Gun…But there is a list of Hollywood actors that people murmur about, again, I don’t care, you can tell me Keanu Reeves is supposedly gay (I will forever love him in Speed and spent a good deal of time mentally preparing myself to be his wife) but I saw him wear that dirty wife beater and save a bus full of people and I didn’t for one second think, ‘that’s not convincing if he’s gay’ I did however think ‘hmmmm swoooon nom’. I don’t think I believe this John Travolta stuff, I think that’s someone trying to make money and even if it is, he has a wife and children who will eventually be hurt by the press, it doesn’t matter if he is hiding it, although I have more respect for people who are honest, Travolta will always be my Danny Zucko, the dad from Look Who’s Talking and Tony Manero, yes he can dance, but once you have seen Hugh Jackman dance across a stage and play piano with one leg resting on the lid, you know that not all men who can dance well have to be homosexual….Sorry that memory got me for a minute (incidentally the same day I saw NPH)
Either he is being paid by people to keep this thing going for press and I am one of the fools who has been sucked in by his tweets which I can only categorise as small minded (shocking for such an acclaimed writer) or he really is just a bit of a dickhead who makes a point of nothing and contradicts his own lifestyle choices with it…
Never mind all that, Matt Bomer is my Christian Grey, you can throw your Somerhalders, Skaarsgards and Cavills in my direction, and they are worthy opponents, but when I read Fifty Shades I had one set of icey eyes in my head and they belong to Bomer…
Alright, admittedly I am reaching with the title to this post, we have about as much chance of a young handsome shirtless Paul Newman appearing in my office as we do of a long hot summer. However a couple of long hot summers days wouldn’t go astray would they? I already feel like the Vitamin D is seeping into my body and apart from a soujourn to my car boot at lunch time have been trapped behind a desk all day.
The window is open and the birds are singing, the occasional wasp buzzes in and I point it to next doors office, more victims in there you see and the Noisettes have been telling me not to upset the rhythm and other such inspirational things all day long and its been nice. If I were a Pimms drinker I’d say it would be ideal to hole up in a beer garden, but I’m not much of a drinker at all and so I’ll maybe grab a Frappe of some description and mooch on the green for a while.
What this blog post was about, well frankly I don’t know. I might have Sun stroke or I might just have been inspired to ramble on about the beauty outside my window today… I’ll leave the decision to you, I know which choice I prefer.