Is it just me?

So yesterday I started listening to Miranda Harts Audiobook, Is It Just Me? and as she goes about telling me things and asking that question I repeatedly find myself saying, no, it’s me as well.  On a variety of subjects, obviously it isn’t every subject, but it seems that she’s quite like minded, which is nice, because up until recently I wasn’t convinced there were many other people like me in the world.

I’ll start by telling you what I think I am like…

  1. Quite open minded/liberal/lacking any real predjudices (unless you are a small animal living in my house rent free)
  2. Outgoing (once I get to know you, but shy and paranoid in the beginning)
  3. Funny (There, I said it, I do think I’m funny)
  4. Adventurous, at least that is my hope, to be adventurous, at the moment I am failing
  5. Young…

So you may agree, if you know me, that some of those things are at least partially correct, my best friend Becky is much the same and as we had coffee this afternoon and she told me of her plans to spend months working in Turkey (as of Friday, she hadn’t told me by text and due to the circumstances of my recent bureavement waited until today) I explained how I would love to be doing something different, not tied to a desk or a job, a car contract that holds me back and debt nowadays only up to my knees as opposed to a few years ago when I’m convinced it went over my head…

We thought about it, how different we seem to be from other friends our age, as she uttered ‘God Nic, you’re gonna be thirty this year’ and I didn’t slap her because a best friend can say such things and laugh with you, but that neither of us has (apart from my aforementioned financial ties) anything keeping us here.  Neither is in a relationship that holds us here, nor owns a property or has children, we aren’t career girls with clients that need us, even though we are both hard workers, the work itself is basically irrelevent. 

I wondered what type of people that made us, in the eyes of many of my friends I don’t doubt that I am a laughing stock failure, I mean I haven’t married a nice local boy and had children (nothing wrong with this, just not for me), there isn’t a mortgage or rental (I live with my parents), I don’t even own my adorable yellow car and will be handing it back in October.  My books are self published, you can’t buy them in the Northallerton Branch of Waterstones or WH Smith, the only time they were on Tesco’s chart bookshelves or ipads were when I rather naughtily placed them there to take photographs (even using my wifi hotspot phone to open the page on the ipads was rather adventurous, I didn’t try downloading them) I didn’t go to university, my job has no enormous prospects (but it is important, that I am sure of) and my teen dream of being a pop star didn’t ever come true, along with that of my marriage to Ronan Keating.  None of those things are failures, half of them were pipedreams, some need input from others and self publishing a book is harder than having an editor and a publisher helping you with it, that I am damn sure of!

So is it just me that thinks being 29, not having a clue where I want to be in 10 or 20 years from now, and not even really bothering that much about it, is not the worst thing in the world?

Am I happy? Yes, mostly, not lately but that’s circumstance and will pass with time.

Am I in love? Apart from with fictional characters? Not really, I could be, but I don’t think others are willing to invest yet.

Have I written two and almost three entire novels and put them out there for thousands, yes thousands, of people to willingly download onto their kindle? Yes I have and thank you, it was difficult and I am damn proud of it.

Am I normal? I think so, I mean what is normal? I think Normal is what you want to be and when you attain that, then yes, you must be normal and screw what everyone else thinks…

Is it just me? No, it’s not, everyone worries, everyone struggles, everyone has decisions to make and sometimes not the first clue how to do so…

 

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