Empty Laptop Syndrome

So my laptop isn’t empty, far from it in fact, I might need a new one or some sort of mass storage device, but I have this feeling and I wonder if its the same when a child leaves home?

Today I sent my book off into the world, I tucked in all the letters and words, checked they were neat and tidy, I wrapped them up in a cover and now they are up there for the world to see and it is a difficult thing to do.  To let the thing that has dominated your mind every minute of every day for months, go.

My style may be questionable, I write from my heart, the words come from inside me, I think like the heroine and I love the hero as if he is real, but the words are my own, they represent my thoughts and in some cases, they show people who really know me, how they don’t really know me at all.  I was once told off at college for writing like Roddy Doyle did, using a dash instead of quotation marks for dialogue, so bothered was my teacher by my style and presentation that they  missed the point of my words.  I don’t remember what those words were, but if I put them on paper back then, they meant something to me, I don’t write for the reader, I write for me, the writer, to complete a story, to make up a life, to be myself.

So today I sent my second book out into the world and so far near a thousand people have read the first one, or they bought it, and of all of them, even people I know well, only one has rated me on Amazon, my sister, because I asked her to.

I don’t write to be famous, sure a mansion and movie deal sounds good, but it isn’t why I do it, I don’t know why I do, because I don’t remember the first time I did it, or the first story that was in my head, they have just always been there and now, two of them at least, are out there…

So if you are reading this, if you have read Fallen, I implore you to rate me at Amazon, or Lulu, probably Amazon though, even if the reason you haven’t even given me feedback is because you hated it.  I kind of want to know your opinion anyway…


Fifty Shades of Gay?!

I like to think I’m liberal, there’s no racism in me, no homophobia, so when I see these things happening, in the street, over twitter, it really narks me.  I don’t understand how there are still people under a certain age who can go out there and make comments which hurt people, surely we are all long enough in this modern multi-cultured world that these conflicts should be all but forgotten.


Unfortunately, that’s an ideal and what is more unfortunate is that its an ideal far in the future…


Who would have thought Fifty Shades of Grey casting would cause some homophobic controversy?  And from a notable person too, Brett Easton Ellis is peddling his talents to try and write the screenplay, but he is going about it all the wrong way, he has alienated himself from fans I believe by launching some sort of homophobic crusade, firstly against Matt Bomer (my personal favourite to play Mr Grey) and now today, to try and make his points about gay actors unconvincingly playing straight men Neil Patrick Harris.


I love them both and was a fan before I knew NPH was gay, because he’s been around for eons, once I saw him in the audience at The Boy From Oz on Broadway and was pulled back into my seat by my embarrassed uncle during the intermission for shouting ‘Its Doogie Howser’.  My behaviour aside, I do watch How I Met your Mother, often, albeit I do now just want to know who the mother is and am starting to doubt that Ted himself knows, Barney, because as an actor that’s who NPH is in the show, is a slut, man whore, whatever you want to label it with.  Apparently Easton Ellis finds this complicated and said that the reason its funny is because hes openly gay.  For his information, NPH came out in 2006 and HIMYM began a year before that, so the joke is really on EE, the reason its funny is because Neil Patrick Harris is funny he is also, and I don’t usually say this, bang tidy.  I watch him being a convincingly attractive sexy man and think, ‘yeah I wouldn’t mind a go on him’ maybe in more refined ways.


His argument that Matt Bomer cant play Mr Grey because the actor would need to ‘really want to fuck Ana’ is ridiculous, again I will point out that its acting and in pretty much every episode of White Collar I have seen Bomer has played an incredibly sexy and aware man who makes women swoon, even if at the end of the day he goes home to his husband and three kids.  Put it this way, if you are looking at him objectively, does it really matter what his personal life is?  My points for him being a good Christian Grey come down to this.

a)      The Eyes – He has the eyes, ok, more blue than grey, but he has the eyes!

b)      He is all kinds of sexy – Important here

c)      Clearly he is a talented actor because when he is being all smouldering with a woman on screen, I really believe it (and then I close my eyes and pretend I’m on the other end of the smouldering)

d)      Is it beyond the realm of possibility that because of the content that this movie will have, that a young actress of lets say 21/22 would feel far more comfortable working with a man who while he outwardly exhibits all the charm and sexuality of Christian, would not be then turned on by acting all the sex scenes out.  I mean its going to be pretty raunchy even if they do dull down the Red Room of Pain, but personally I think Bomer being Gay could work in his favour with whoever they choose to play Anastasia.

Its ironic then, that Mr Easton Ellis identifies himself as ‘Bi’ because he doesn’t want to be defined by his sexuality, bit of a double standard when you think that is exactly what he is doing on twitter at the moment.  He wont admit which sexuality he is, however has stated that he hasn’t had sex with a woman in years, and cant really pull off the Bi thing anymore… So does that make him a gay man launching a homophobic tirade on twitter to try and get a job that he has basically counted himself out of?  I’m confused…


Also, hasn’t Tom Cruise been playing straight in both his personal and professional lives for oh I dunno, ever?  Don’t get me wrong,  I don’t care, in fact when it comes to Tom Cruise, well I think the last of his movies I saw was Top Gun…But there is a list of Hollywood actors that people murmur about, again, I don’t care, you can tell me Keanu Reeves is supposedly gay (I will forever love him in Speed and spent a good deal of time mentally preparing myself to be his wife) but I saw him wear that dirty wife beater and save a bus full of people and I didn’t for one second think, ‘that’s not convincing if he’s gay’ I did however think ‘hmmmm swoooon nom’.  I don’t think I believe this John Travolta stuff, I think that’s someone trying to make money and even if it is, he has a wife and children who will eventually be hurt by the press, it doesn’t matter if he is hiding it, although I have more respect for people who are honest, Travolta will always be my Danny Zucko, the dad from Look Who’s Talking and Tony Manero, yes he can dance, but once you have seen Hugh Jackman dance across a stage and play piano with one leg resting on the lid, you know that not all men who can dance well have to be homosexual….Sorry that memory got me for a minute (incidentally the same day I saw NPH)


Either he is being paid by people to keep this thing going for press and I am one of the fools who has been sucked in by his tweets which I can only categorise as small minded (shocking for such an acclaimed writer) or he really is just a bit of a dickhead who makes a point of nothing and contradicts his own lifestyle choices with it…


Never mind all that, Matt Bomer is my Christian Grey, you can throw your Somerhalders, Skaarsgards and Cavills in my direction, and they are worthy opponents, but when I read Fifty Shades I had one set of icey eyes in my head and they belong to Bomer…